


it's not fine

by lip2jin



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Just a short little drabble, Squint for hyewon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27152927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lip2jin/pseuds/lip2jin
Summary: based on taeyeon's fine
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 81





	it's not fine

**Author's Note:**

> stream why not by loona

Heejin ruffled her dog’s fur, gazing out of her apartment window at the river that flows through the city. It was early in the morning, a habit she couldn’t really seem to crack after years of being an idol. She always found herself awake during this moment, where the sun starts to shine through the dark blue sky.

An alarm rung from her phone, signaling that it was now exactly six o’clock. She stared at her phone, admiring the picture looking back at her. It was from their very last concert the previous year. The current date glowed above it.

_October 19th_

Heejin never really cared about her birthday until the month meant something else to her once she debuted. She achieved her dream of becoming a singer, a successful one at that, with a group of girls she will cherish forever.

And as if she manifested it, her phone pinged with countless notifications from a long forgotten group chat. _Happy birthday!_ and _Let’s hang out soon!_ messages flooded her screen. Out of habit she counted.

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_Four_

_Five_

_Six_

_Seven_

_Eight_

_Nine_

_Ten_

She sighed. After sending a quick thank you to everyone in response, Heejin clicked her phone off and made her way into the kitchen. This particular day had her nerves bubbling. What did she even expect? She hadn’t heard from the other girl since... since their last night.

Hyunjin was different than the others, in several ways. After the disbandment, some stayed on the scene with varieties and solo music, but she packed her bags and disappeared. Only Haseul hears from her, letting them know that she’s still alive and most importantly, having fun on a new journey.

It would be a gigantic lie if Heejin were to say she doesn’t think about what the other girl is up to all the time. If she were honest, Hyunjin has never left her mind, not even once.

Everywhere she went, memories of the other girl floated in front of her, playing out like a movie. Heejin couldn’t escape her even if she tried.

_“You know I love you right?”_

_Heejin rolled her eyes, flipping to a blank page in her notebook. Writing lyrics didn’t come so easy to her, but once inspiration hit, nothing could stop her. “That goes without saying.”_

_They were lounging in her room after a long night of practice for their new comeback. “Do you love me?” Years of knowing Hyunjin, she could tell the slightest shift in her tone. It sounded serious? Heejin fidgeted, an unfamiliar feeling washing over her. She finally lifted her eyes to meet her waiting gaze._

_“That also goes without saying.”_

_What happened next left her breathless._

They never talked about what happened, slipping back into their natural friendship as if they didn’t share a secret kiss. But the moment never left Heejin’s mind.

Was it obvious? That there was always something there between the two?

She recalled many instances where the members would tease them even, but she always brushed off the hopeful feelings whenever Heejin would see Hyunjin smiling and laughing along. It could never be serious.

Heejin snapped out of her thoughts, her phone buzzing on the ground next to her dog, indicating an incoming phone call. She swiftly made her way over after setting her coffee mug down.

Her phone flashed _Haseul_ followed by a green heart emoji. She immediately answered. “What are you doing up so early?”

There was a slight delay in response on the other line, then a crackle. “I’m on my way to pick you up for breakfast!” Haseul sounded far away, with a lot of rumbling sounds in the background. She must be driving.

“I thought you said you were busy?”

Heejin could hear the smirk in the older girl’s voice. “I lied! Wanted to surprise you. Now be out in five minutes.”

~

“Why are you covering my eyes?!”

The moment Heejin stepped out of the passenger seat, Haseul rushed over to blindfold her. She felt herself being dragged up some steps and into a restaurant. She could tell by the soft music playing through the speakers.

“Can you tell me what’s going on—“ Haseul tugged down the blindfold after coming to a stop. Heejin’s vision started out blurry but quickly came into focus at the sight in front of her.

“Surprise!”

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_Four_

_Five_

_Six_

_Seven_

_Eight_

_Nine_

_Ten_

_... Eleven._

Heejin was bombarded with hugs and kisses from a few energetic members _(yes, Miss Jiwoo)_ who she hadn’t seen a long time. Honestly, she hadn’t seen any of them in a while.

 _Especially_ the now blonde Hyunjin sitting all the way at the other end of the long table. She glanced back towards Haseul, who gave her a knowing look. Did she set this up?

Her nerves from earlier came back with a harsh force. “Let me go to the bathroom real quick!” Luckily, all her former members were too caught up in gushing over Chaewon’s engagement ring to notice her escape.

Or at least she thought.

Heejin grabbed the edges of the small sink. She usually reserved her pep talks for performances, but this moment called for one. Desperately.

_“Everything is going to be Fine.”_

After repeating it a few times while staring hard at herself in the slightly dirty bathroom mirror, she flinched out of embarrassment as the entrance door swung open.  
And as if a part of Heejin almost expected—no— _hoped,_ for... It was Hyunjin.

“Are you feeling alright?”

Heejin frowned at her formal speech. “Why are you talking like that?”

“Like what?” Hyunjin had perfected her blank, mindless, stare. Even adding a couple innocent blinks. This would not deceive Heejin though. She never thought the other girl was as clueless as she let on.

“Drop the act, please? It’s my birthday.”

Hyunjin dropped her eyes and shuffled her feet. Discomfort flashed across her face for a short second, but Heejin was quick to notice. The air noticeable thickened. She gulped.

“It’s just been a while, I’m sorry.”

Heejin shrugged, laughing to alleviate some of the awkwardness surrounding them. “It’s only been a year.

“But it feels like it’s been forever.” Hyunjin raised her head, locking her gaze on Heejin. She whispered so softly she almost didn’t hear it.

_“What do you think about traveling?”_

_Heejin tapped her chin, really pondering on Hyunjin’s question. “I don’t think I could do it on my own. It’d probably be better to have someone come with me.”_

_“Then come with me!” Hyunjin’s smile was so bright, Heejin was having a hard time focusing on the lyrics in front of her. New song, new comeback. Practice. Repeat. “After our contracts end, we can go anywhere we want to go.”_

_There was a shimmering glint in Hyunjin’s eyes, something Heejin never got tired of witnessing. She’s sure she’s written about Hyunjin’s eyes countless amount of times in her secret notebook. The one she keeps hidden to write about her muse._

_“We’ll see about that.”_

Heejin made her way back to the table, everybody’s eyes falling on her and Hyunjin emerging from the same direction, but all these years in a group together taught them how to hide their reactions.

“Birthday girl gets to choose the alcohol!”

“Haseul? It’s only eight in the morning!”

The day rolled on by, the twelve girls now sprawled all over Heejin’s living room. She can barely remember the last time the twelve of them were together for longer than just a few hours. Everyone decided to spend the night.

The second Frozen movie played on her large screen tv, half the girls already fast asleep in a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor. Heejin was on the couch, snug in between Sooyoung and Jinsoul.

“How is it that Hyejoo was the one to propose?” The older girl’s snickered at her question, definitely agreeing with her inquiry.

“She’s full of surprises, that one.” Sooyoung sighed deeply, a hint of pride in her tone. All of them have come so far, in their careers, in their lives, in their friendships. All these years together and they weren’t even sick of each other... yet.

Jinsoul’s eyes trailed off towards Hyunjin, who was seated front and center, singing along to Into the Unknown as if multiple girls around her weren’t trying to sleep. “What.. about you guys?”

Heejin furrowed her eyebrows, anticipating what the older girl was going to say next. But it was Sooyoung who spoke first. “Are you ever going to do something about it, Heejin?”

She felt a rush to defend herself. “I have no clue what you guys are going on about.” Crossing her arms and huffing like a child, she focused her attention back on the movie, but the subject of their conversation was quite literally blocking her way.

“Word of advice? Do something quick, before she never comes back home again.”

_Heejin didn’t look up from her notebook as she heard the sounds of luggage cases zipping up. Hyunjin was in her room to pack some extra sweaters Heejin no longer had interest in. (If she thought about it deeply, there was a meaning behind all this.)_

_Her second (secret) notebook felt heavy beneath her leg under the blanket she covered herself with._

_It was just her and Hyunjin and Haseul left in the dorm, the other girls had said their goodbyes the day before. “Hyunjin! We got to leave in three minutes or else you’ll miss your flight!”_

_She held back a scoff. Hyunjin had requested that Haseul be the one to drop her off at the airport. She also wanted the older girl to be the only one to know her true whereabouts._

_How did it make her feel? How can she explain all these confusing feelings? Sad to be left behind? Happy to see her go off on a fun adventure?_

_Heejin felt eyes on her, and just as she suspected, Hyunjin’s gaze was piercing through her. She stood there, at the foot of her bed, waiting for Heejin to say something. To say absolutely anything._

_“Have fun.”_

_The hidden notebook seared her leg. It wanted to be revealed. It was begging._

_Hyunjin’s face fell with obvious disappointment, but her voice was soft as always. “Take care, Heejin.”_

_It wasn’t until she ran out the door only to be met with Haseul’s car rounding the corner down the street did she realize that she was too late. She gripped the notebook in her hand._

_**Songs about Hyunjin.** _

Heejin smiled fondly at her members fast asleep in her living room, shutting the lights off before shuffling into her own bedroom. It was nearly four in the morning and she wasn’t really ready to sleep just yet.

She sat herself down in front of her desk and pulled out the bottom cabinet. Hand reaching inside, she picked up the familiar notebook. This one had a yellow cover but her normal lyric book was light pink.

“What’s that?” Heejin jumped out of her chair, not realizing when or how Hyunjin appeared from behind her.

 _Do something quick before she never comes back home again,_ Jinsoul’s words echoed in her head.

Heejin tentatively held out her secret notebook for Hyunjin to take. She watched as realization washed over the other girl’s face. “What is this?”

“Lyrics I’ve written for the past decade, with you in mind.”

Hyunjin walked backwards and settled herself on the edge of Heejin’s bed, carefully flipping through the notebook. She could only focus on her fingernails, waiting for this suffocating silence to end.

The sound of the journal closing shut caught Heejin’s attention. “You’re so dumb.”

What happened next left her breathless.

The next morning she awoke to sounds of giggling.

“What a long time coming.”

“Called it! You owe me twenty bucks!”

Heejin squinted her eyes towards her bedroom door, catching Haseul and Jinsoul through the crack. They immediately ran away once they realized she was awake.

She felt the arms around her waist tighten. “It _was_ a long time coming, by the way.” She felt Hyunjin mumble into her shoulder. “If only you had said something last year.”

“Then what?”

“I would have stayed.”

Heejin rolled her eyes, turning to face the other girl instead. Their close proximity made her stomach do flips. “Now you don’t have to lie.” Hyunjin gave her a silly smile.

“You’re right.”

The two bickered back and forth, ending with loud laughter that could be heard all throughout her apartment.

_Everything was going to be fine after all._


End file.
